Early Rise

I am literally up before the crack of dawn this morning to see my son off to college.  He left with DH in a whirlwind trip - 5 plus hours there and 5 plus hours back IF all the roads are clear.

Usually, I get a little emotional, but this morning through my sleepy eyes and foggy brain, it just did not hit me.  Not that I was itching for him to leave, he actually just got here.  It's just we did not really get to spend much time together this summer.  Sad, because it might be the last summer he even wants to stay with us and I will be relegated to visits at family events and holidays.

It is a bittersweet realization.

Watch, because I said this, he will be with us until he is 45, only leaving because because work transferred him to another state (unlikely!)

Sometimes as our family grows, it feels like some kind of force is slowly picking us off one by one - 1st, our oldest made the decision to start a life without college.  This was the most dramatic change of our family dynamic.

1st born son is loud and likes to be the center of attention all the time.  But he is the first to help out and cries at goodbyes.  The noise level went down a bunch of notches when he left, as did the smell factor.  He and my youngest have a bond though and I have seen 4th born struggle since 1st born has been gone.

When 2nd born son semi-left, it was not so drastic.  He is quiet, sneaky - climbs on the roof to watch the stars at 2 in the morning.  He likes to follow rules and is Mr. GQ.  He never goes to bed without hugging me goodnight - which is something I miss, because he was the only one.  He also bridged the gap between the younger two, completely amazing because he is 7 years older than them.

3rd born daughter and 4th born son will leave together or if not together, within a year of each other.  This depends on when I decide to graduate them from high school.  That one will probably do me in because we are so much closer than I was with the older two.  Just geographically speaking - it makes sense - I homeschool the younger two, so I am around them all the time.  The older ones went to school everyday, so I was not as privy to their lives.

Maybe when they leave, I will volunteer to hold babies at a hospital or something.  They won't mind a few tears will they? - tears not of sadness, but of the changing of an era - one that was very long and very full of surprise that moved me - by lifting me up in joy and dragging me through the muckiest of mud.

I am not much of an early morning person, but I can see how people are - it is the kind of quiet that no other part of the day gives you - so quiet like you are stealing time itself.