I watched a Ted Talk while eating lunch today. I try to watch or read something about 15 minutes long when I eat. This one was living with high functioning anxiety - which is where I feel I am right now. I am securely in peri-menopause and I have spared the hot flashes, but the anxiety and exhaustion is absolutely killing me!
I am almost frozen right now not able to get anything started because usually as soon as I get going, something comes up. For example, I set up the iron and start ironing interfacing, when my daughter runs in and says theater has called rehearsals early and we are an hour away. By the time I get back, dinner has to be made, then she has to be picked up, by the time I get back, the kitchen has to be cleaned and I am exhausted.
Things like this happen almost every single day.
It is life, I know. I think it is so bad now because of how far out we live from everything. The closest grocery store is 20 minutes, but it is a small town store and expensive. The closest Kroger is 45 minutes. So, just to grocery shop, you are looking at 1.5 hours just on the drive to and from.
If I have to go to Joann for sewing supplies - it is longer! 2 hours drive time. That takes up 1/2 a day almost. Then add food prep and time talking to the kids, basic chores that leaves zero time for working.
Sigh.
This house is also high maintenance. As much as we love it, we are already talking about it not being our forever home. We got a notice from the HOA today that our yard needs to be maintained. 2.5 acres worth. Good Lord.
We are working on a dry creek bed, but there is so much brush and so much outside work to be done. Our son is working on it on his days off, but the heat is just getting too much - 98F by 2 p.m.
I am sort of wanting to hire someone to come in and cut back the brush, prep the land and lay the sod, so it can get done and we are more on maintenance, than creating.
I think all the quilts I have to do SHOULD cover the small area we actually need to work on. Since I told everyone I would only take quilts until August, they are pouring in - I am up to 10. They are easy really, but time consuming. We will see how it goes.
Give me about 4 days and I will be back to normal. This cycle has been a bad one - I am 10 days late (but started FINALLY) - so the hormones are raging. My progesterone is dropping, so the estrogen will start dropping soon. I figure I am 4-5 years from menopause. It cannot come soon enough for me!
one husband......four kids......debt......sewing...... saving......cooking......yoga......sweet......chaos......life......
its exhausting this peri-menopause. I went through a couple of years of what you describe, its settled down a fair bit now ( 9 yrs in) but the anxiety used to be awful and come out of nowhere. it does make it difficult to get things done - hope you feel better soon
ReplyDeleteThank you! I just found out and it made me feel better - sort of. At least there is a reason for it! I was never anxious before really. Luckily, there are times of clarity, it is not constant.
DeleteYou know, it requires strong metacognitive skills to realize that a chosen lifestyle isn't sustainable over an extended period of time. I think women, especially, become very conditioned to define themselves by external means--job, kids, house. It's counter productive to knowing oneself. I'm not sure what the answer is, but I don't think that wasn't what our mothers and older sisters intended when they were on the front lines of the women's movement. I suppose my kids put it aptly when they say "You do you."
ReplyDeleteYou got that right! It is time for me! LOL You have smart kids! I was raised with a abusive mother, so I am determining this by myself! My grandmothers are gone, so my daughter and I were talking today about it. She is only 15, but already sees the struggle women have and is turning into quite the feminist despite me!
DeleteShould read *I don't think that WAS*
DeleteI feel like I'm going to be in peri-menopause forever. I've been spared most of the bad sides of it, just mostly un-regular-ness but they just keep coming and I'm 54 now.I'm so ready to be done with this. Thankfully, I've been able to slow down the past few years and I'm sure that has helped.
ReplyDeleteOh, don't tell me that! I am so ready to be done! I don't know if I can handle 8 more years of this!
Deletetwo different times in the last 2 years they have stopped for 3 months and I was like "ok, finally" but nope. LOL
DeleteSo many changes for you. I hope life settles down and things can get back to normal. Do you think the isolation was more than you bargained for? We live out in the middle of no where, but I also realize this type of life isn't for everyone.
ReplyDeleteNot really - I have always been kind of a loner. There are a maybe 1 or 2 days out of 6 months that I want to be around others! LOL With the business and homeschool, it prevented me from getting together with friends at all. With those getting off the table, I will be able to meet more. It is definitely peri-menopause (blood work shows). Now, I will say, the drive to get anywhere bothers me, but that is more from a perspective of it taking time away from the business, homeschool and getting things done around the house. I do wish we had waited until the kids were on their own. Part of what makes it difficult is making sure the kids don't feel isolated.
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