Saturday, I was a basketball case. I could think right, crying spells. My eyes were so puffy they hurt and crusted with salt that night.
On Sunday, I made myself not cry so I could rest my eyes. I got to work - deadline on a quilt.
Monday, we went to my office and built shelves, rearranged the fabric and began cutting the cork fabric into manageable chunks. Cork Fabric is HEAVY!! Each color is 60 meter, so it took a lot of effort and we only made it through 3 out of 9 colors before calling it quits. Needless to say, I was too exhausted to thing about it, BUT, when we got home I got a call from the funeral home.
Because she is being cremated and the next of kin are her children - all children must consent. Fine for me and my sister, but my brother is in jail. Brilliant. So, my mother is hanging out in a refrigerator waiting to be cremated. I just shake my head.
Now, my mother died Friday around 5 pm. She lived in an assisted living building and had her own apartment and could leave when she wanted (she just had to tell them). They did not find out right away - obviously, but they also did not inform anyone in the family. The first we heard was my aunt being called from a funeral home asking if she wanted her sister embalmed.
Sigh. This is typical of what happened around my mother.
So, we all just found out on Saturday. Sunday, she was transported to the next state, and a memorial service was held this morning BEFORE she is even cremated. There was no way I could make it, but I doubt I would have gone anyway. That whole side of the family is REALLY mad at me and I just did not want to deal with it.
When my sister told me all this, I asked who was doing flowers and she said they were just going to pick some up at the grocery store and arrange them that morning. Oh.....My......Goodness......
Sigh, No matter what she had done to me, she is my mother and she deserved to have a beautiful memorial service. So, I bought the flowers for her service.
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| Picture of what I ordered - Large |
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| Picture of what I ordered - small |
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| What they got - large |
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| What they got - small |
Needless to say, I am disappointed. They all said they were beautiful, but these are the worst arrangements I have ever seen and I am not at all happy with them. And a mirrored vase for a funeral? A simple white vase would have been fine. We don't need disco mirrors at a funeral. And what are those green things sticking out everywhere? It is just awful!
What's done is done though. If the ceremony could have been delayed a couple of days, I am sure it would have been better. But my aunt is like that - whatever is best for her. She has always been this way.
Today, my sister asked if I want anything. Last I knew, my sister was getting everything of my mother's, not that there was much to get. I don't care. I told her I just wanted a little something for a memory - did not matter what. She knows how much I love furniture, so without my prompting, she said all the furniture was gone. My heart dropped. Most of the furniture she has was my Meme's and we (my siblings and I) were supposed to get those pieces. My aunt has already gone through all my mother's things before my sister even had a chance.
That is how my aunt is.
My Meme is my mother's aunt that really raised her and who I recognize as my grandmother, although she was a Great Aunt. She died in 1994. My mother asked me when Meme died what I wanted and I said the record player. It is one of those piece of furniture turntables with the speakers and everything. At that moment, my mother said yes. Then, when we went to pick up everything, she turned to me and said, " You really didn't think you were going to get that record player did you?" I was crushed. Years later, she gave it me - after her dog had chewed through the speaker cloth and there was water damage to the wood. I took it anyway. Damaged or not, it was what my Meme and I did - dance and sing around this record player. I have refinished it and the turntable still works!
Now, we were told that the pieces she had left - a coffee table, a dresser, a couple of chairs, 2 end tables - would be ours to divide up. All of it is gone. There were boxes of pictures, all gone. It even had our baby things in there - all gone.
Funerals on that side of the family are awful - so much bitterness and talking behind backs loud enough that you hear the hatefulness being said, grabbing at the possessions that are left. I am so done with it all.
What's done is done though. If the ceremony could have been delayed a couple of days, I am sure it would have been better. But my aunt is like that - whatever is best for her. She has always been this way.
Today, my sister asked if I want anything. Last I knew, my sister was getting everything of my mother's, not that there was much to get. I don't care. I told her I just wanted a little something for a memory - did not matter what. She knows how much I love furniture, so without my prompting, she said all the furniture was gone. My heart dropped. Most of the furniture she has was my Meme's and we (my siblings and I) were supposed to get those pieces. My aunt has already gone through all my mother's things before my sister even had a chance.
That is how my aunt is.
My Meme is my mother's aunt that really raised her and who I recognize as my grandmother, although she was a Great Aunt. She died in 1994. My mother asked me when Meme died what I wanted and I said the record player. It is one of those piece of furniture turntables with the speakers and everything. At that moment, my mother said yes. Then, when we went to pick up everything, she turned to me and said, " You really didn't think you were going to get that record player did you?" I was crushed. Years later, she gave it me - after her dog had chewed through the speaker cloth and there was water damage to the wood. I took it anyway. Damaged or not, it was what my Meme and I did - dance and sing around this record player. I have refinished it and the turntable still works!
Now, we were told that the pieces she had left - a coffee table, a dresser, a couple of chairs, 2 end tables - would be ours to divide up. All of it is gone. There were boxes of pictures, all gone. It even had our baby things in there - all gone.
Funerals on that side of the family are awful - so much bitterness and talking behind backs loud enough that you hear the hatefulness being said, grabbing at the possessions that are left. I am so done with it all.
It is so bad for me that our will even goes over all of this - how no one is enter our premises but the executor and things are to be sold and yada-yada. It is spelled out specifically - all because of how this family is so freaking crazy!
It was so heartbreaking to read this. Especially the current disposition of your mother's body (shaking my head).. And then your aunt... wow. Just wow. I can relate. I remember when my grandmother died, I was supposed to get some of her jewelry - nope - my drug addict uncle took all the jewelry and sold it. Family drama... bleh. I need to go back and check my will.
ReplyDeleteThat is awful! I am so sorry. This kind of family just kills me. The problem is they think it is normal and it is not. My Dad's side of the family does not do this nor does my husband's family. It is just insanity.
DeleteI think wills should spell out who disposes of things and who has access to it. However, wills are not usually read before the funeral and people who have access or can get access may do damage before anyone know it.
ReplyDeleteYou are right. No one really has access to our things other than our children and they know - if there is any fighting amongst them, then noone gets anything (ie - money). We did not raise them to be like that though. No other family members (on that side) even knows our address.
Deleteif those flowers were ordered by you, complain to the place where you ordered through. They care about service.
ReplyDeleteYes, I ordered them. We have sent a complaint. There is no recourse, but hopefully, it will help someone in the future.
DeleteI bet you will hear from the company. You have to contact the company that sent them, not the florist. I was a secret shopper who received a bouquet (sent by secret shopper company). I sent a photo of what I received and counted the flowers in the bouquet. The florist got in trouble, but I received nothing because it was my job. Don't complain to florist.
DeleteI did get paid for doing my job, but nothing in recompense for the flowers.
DeleteAnytime I have sent flowers and had the recipient send me a pic, they really look nothing as good as their were supposed to. Always disappointing. Families are just nuts. I hope you can get some memento of your mother to have.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry your mother died and all the crap that will come about(having to deal with family, etc.)because of it. Just know you did what you could and don't let anyone guilt you are cut you down. It's their problem not yours.
ReplyDeleteHold your head up girl!