I can feel it coming on. I try to laugh around others, but I feel myself not smiling at all. Maybe it is the dreary weather, the lack of coolness this winter, constant rain, hot flashes, so much demand on my time that even 48 hours in a day would not cover it.
When I was depressed before, it was from a lack of direction in my life - feeling worthless and like I was going nowhere.
This time, I have an over-thriving business AND homeschooling. Finding friends has always been very difficult for me. I am pretty anti-social, but with this busy of a schedule, it is even worse.
My son living here is causing lots of anxiety for me - will he ever get it together? Will he ever move out? (He says he is going to, but we have been down that road before and he didn't leave). Will I ever be able to balance my life? Will I ever have a girlfriend? I am lucky to have such a wonderful husband and my kids are great, our home is fine - not perfect and there are aspects I don't like at all, but others are good.
I worry about money all the time, then do something insane to feel better, but then regret it.
This too shall pass. I always get down in the winter. No, I am not going to buy something to make myself feel better - I don't have time.
Even blogging, I do it while my embroidery machine is working, in between fixing the needle breaks, thread breaks, etc - oh, and yes, stopping to help the kids, etc.
I am too pulled. So what happens when I try to cut.
People get angry at me. Literally, yelling at me. I am too overwhelmed to cry, but I am betting once I am able to stop, I will bawl.
I do hate where we live - cannot stand it. I feel like people are right on top of me and I cannot breathe. There is no beautiful nature around us. The tropical weather is horrendous. I am really trying to find something redeeming about it, but it is hard - very, very hard. To know that we are absolutely stuck here just makes it worse!
Give it a month, lots of things should change by then. One month, I am holding out.
one husband......four kids......debt......sewing...... saving......cooking......yoga......sweet......chaos......life......
I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I hope things start to look up in the next little while.
ReplyDeleteThey will. I know brighter things are coming up!
DeleteHey girlfriend, what do you need? Where are you? What can I do? I too am struggling, but I will be your cheerleader.
ReplyDeleteTime, Time, Time, and more Time, with a side of Time and then topped with Time. I am around Houston, Texas. I know you are struggling! My heart goes out to you in a way you can never imagine! I difficult mother plus she is living with you and a family that relies on your income. Honey, it is not easy. If we lived closer, I would be helping YOU!
DeleteI am so sorry things are so tough for you right now. Things will get better. I tend to feel the same way this time of year. I truly hope things get better for you soon.
ReplyDeleteI know - this time of year is just gloomy! They will get better - yesterday was just bad with everyone coming down so hard on me.
DeletePlease go see your doctor though before too deep sets in. I know the holding on feelung, but this seems more. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing much the doctor can do. I cannot take any of the meds - been down that road before. What I am in the works of doing which helps, and probably why I am in a funk is exercise. I am almost stopping the business, my son is "supposed to move out" next week, our retirement will hit a good number soon, and things will finally start to calm down. I know what is kind of bad, but I cannot just stop the business one day, it is a ramp down from filling orders, and letting people know. I think when that is off my plate, I will truly will not feel so stretched! Then I can start yoga, walk and hike again. Those are what seem to keep me in balance.
DeleteCan you carve out 10 minutes a day to sit quietly & breathe? Truly focus on your breathing & clearing your mind? I know it's no magic solution that can replace more substantial things, but it does help me gain a bit of perspective when life is getting me down.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs. Sending you lots of positive thoughts.
Trying to do that! That is why I am stopping patches - customers knock on my door as early as 6 am, and as late 10 pm, 7 days a week, no matter what I tell them. That is one of the reason why I am stopping - my nerves on end because the people show up when I am in the shower, bathroom, teaching, working, anything and I am very anxious about it! Me slowing my mind down is super hard, which is why I do yoga - at least I can concentrate on ONE thing and that helps.
DeleteAnd thank you - you need them as well! Buying a house is very stressful, then you are turning around and selling.
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